The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
