Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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