Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
