He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
