How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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