I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
