i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize