Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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