margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
