shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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