I've blown a few things in my day
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
