i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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