i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
