next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
