Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize