Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
