I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
