If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
