apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
