hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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