Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
