i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize