im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
