I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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