hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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