you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
