Sry I called you an 8
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize