i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
