Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
