it was like his penis was on wheels.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
