I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
