he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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