I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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