hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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