so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
