I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
