you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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