I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
