your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love having hate sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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