so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
