a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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