We're like a lot better than the average bears
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
