When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
