Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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