it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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