i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
