I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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