He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
