So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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