he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
