I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
