Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
