i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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