wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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