That's intense
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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