Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
