Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
