no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
