She said her name was "party"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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