Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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