that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
