i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
