And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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