My room smells like vodka and shame
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
