I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
