you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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