I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
