it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
