if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
