Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
