WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize