we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
