i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
