His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
