Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
