just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize