A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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