Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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