why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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