Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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