That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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