Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
