i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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