i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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