why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
