maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize