cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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