you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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