We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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