I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
