I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
