I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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