Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
