oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
