I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
