Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
NoShamevember. You game?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize