We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
