I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
