If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
