You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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