Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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