I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
