singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
